I have a lot of ugly, raw, nasty things to say right now. So if you, dear reader, have built up any respect for me, you may want to skip this one. You've been warned...
I stayed up late tonight because of a contest. I submitted something I wrote to a writing contest on a role-playing game website. I was convinced I was going to win. I was proud of my work. I wrote it, proofed it, had friends look at it, proofed it again, shared it with the internet. I read the other entries, and though many of them were legitimately good, I, as objectively as possible, truly believed mine was the best. At the very least, I thought I'd score second or third place. That would have been disappointing, but I could live with it.
Anyways, the winners were announced at midnight. I didn't even place. And I am furious. So, let me channel my inner Kanye West for just a moment:
My shit was way better than all them other entries. There is NO way I should have lost this thing. This is some BULLSHIT. That fucking contest was RIGGED. I thought this website was different, but it's the same, Good Ol' Boys Club that every other little niche website is. "Oh, you've been here for years and are good buddies with the admin? Well YOU WIN! Screw this other guy who just showed up, even though his entry is CLEARLY better than yours. He's got to EARN the right to win this popular vote contest." Fuck that site, and fuck everyone on it.
There was little doubt in my mind...virtually none...that I was not going to at least place in this thing. How could I be so wrong? Actually, check that; how can the rest of the world be so wrong?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It was a stupid little contest, on some obscure little corner of the internet. Why care so much? Well, that's where I hope I get to earn a little forgiveness for my outrage. You see, I am this mad because I care. Many of you don't realize the significance of that. Me caring about something is a big deal. I'm normally a pretty whatever, go-with-the-flow, apathetic dude. Caring about something is, typically, critically lacking in my life.
For me to care enough about something to spout off some ignorant, hateful stuff means I care. And, in case you haven't noticed, I care alot about role-playing games. Look at this blog, for Christ's sake. Do you know how many times I've tried to keep a journal in my life? A LOT, that's how many times. I usually say "fuck it" after two or three good attempts. This little rant here, however? Entry FORTY-SEVEN.
Anyways, as ugly as all of this looks, caring is a good thing. I think I heard a psychologist or something once say anger is a more productive emotion than sadness or pity. So, in this moment, I choose to be angry. Angry because I care. Angry because I am dedicated to this litte hobby of mine, and I will never, ever rest until I am unquestionably the best there is at it.
Eventually, when I calm down, I'll have to apologize. I do honestly respect all the participants in this contest, including and especially the winners. That's why I'm ranting here, in my blog, instead of on their website (tempting as that is).
But for now, that contest, and every entry in it that wasn't mine, is BULLSHIT.