"Know your limits, Mr. Wayne," said Alfred to Bruce in The Dark Knight. Though I am by no means Batman, it is something I try to keep in mind, as well. This Sunday was supposed to be my next episode of the Firefly RPG. I postponed the episode to next Sunday. Mainly I postponed the episode because I am not ready enough. I emphasize "enough" because I am never truly ready to run a game, and in some games like Cortex Plus, being completely ready is impossible.
However, this week's episode is the third to last for this spectacular campaign I've been a part of. I want to go out with a bang. So I want to ramp up to a spectacular finale. And I don't feel like I'm there yet, and I wanted to give my group plenty of time to develop an alternate plan, so I called it. If this were a regular game, I would have just proceeded as planned, confident I'd come up with something minutes before the first player walked through the door, as I've done for almost every episode since the pilot. One of my friends emailed me after the announcement and told me it was okay, and that it didn't have to be perfect. He is right, and I'm glad he told me; however, I'm not worried about being perfect. I just know I can do better, and another week should be all I need to make that happen.
With no game to run this Sunday (another player will be kicking off her campaign, which I'll be playing in and am quite excited about), I was planning on going to my regular boardgaming meetup this evening. But I'm feeling a little under the weather, partially because of my own decisions (was out late last night seeing Guardians of the Galaxy which, by the way, is awesome!) and partially because I think I might be coming down with something. So I cancelled my RSVP there, too.
I always feel guilty about doing stuff like this. I've always been a flake when it comes to plans. It's one of my more regrettable faults. In my older age now, I accept it as just a part of who I am, but it still bums me out sometimes. I wrote before about how love is work and showing up is the hardest thing and all that, but sometimes, I just don't have it in me. So tonight, I'm going to go home, probably play a little WoW, and go to bed early. All the while, I'll try not to think about all the fun I'm really missing.